But a stranger can't tell you to relax when what they're actually saying is "stop making my problem your problem, even though I've made it your problem in the first place." Yes, a loved one may say "relax" (tone is important!), especially when paired with a shoulder rub, or perhaps a gift card for a spa treatment. He instead wants to make you "less severe and stringent" and to deprive you of your strength of purpose. It's not that he wants you to feel better. There's "to make less tense or rigid," "to make less severe or stringent," "to deprive of energy, zeal, or strength of purpose," "to relieve from nervous tension," and "to treat (hair) chemically in order to relax curls." Any one of the first three meanings is what's usually getting thrown at you when a stranger tells you to relax after you get slightly annoyed that he bumped into you. Relax has several meanings, as do most English words.
Now, it's not that people are using "relax" wrong, not technically anyway. What's just happened is that the entire situation has escalated. You're out with friends and a guy bumps into one of your friends, who says, "Hey, please don't touch me," or "Ouch! That hurt," or "Watch where you're going, buddy." The person who did the bumping immediately becomes offended, and out of their mouth comes the terrible, rotten, no-good word: "Relax." No one is happy with that - not the person who was bumped, not you and your other friends, and certainly not the bumpee. It cuts you to the quick, putting the blame on the person who is "not relaxed." But why in heaven's name would you relax when someone is telling you to relax!? "Relax" is inherently self-serving, in that case. If you're commanding someone else to relax, you're very likely telling them to stop objecting to whatever they're objecting to, and that objection very well includes you. "Relax your grip" is okay when uttered by your personal trainer when you are clutching a barbell too tightly, or a driver's ed instructor when you're white-knuckling the steering wheel.īut the random command to "relax" - an invocation to chill when you're just getting started on the opposite - is where we have a big, big problem. If you are Frankie, you may say "Relax." The word is fine when used by a hairdresser after you have asked specifically for such a treatment.
"Now you can relax, you're safe," said in a soothing tone by someone who cares, is acceptable.
"Relax" should only be used by a trained masseuse or a pilot advising the people on board that the plane is not, indeed, crashing. But being told to relax is something very different. I like relaxing! I want to do more of it! Relaxing is a good and wonderful thing. Of all of these expressions, this is my most hated. What about "Calm down"? I'll tell you to calm down! And "No offense, but …" is just a way of saying "prepare to take offense."
#Opposite of relax word how to
Related, there's "You need a thicker skin" - oh, do I? Perhaps you need to actually think about what you're saying, and how it affects the person you're talking to! We all know how ragey we get when people tell us to smile, as if our normal faces weren't just fine, as if we needed instructions on how to compose them to be more to someone else's liking. (Why, suddenly, is the person who's simply had feelings to blame for the fact that they have feelings?). I'm talking about phrases like "Don't take this personally," against which my hackles immediately raise.
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